Picture: Sam Renke
Vile. Freakish. Disgusting. Not human. She makes me sick.
These are just some of the ableist comments that have surfaced on the internet about me over the years. I’ve left some of the more despicable ones out because I don’t believe the words deserve any more airtime and, to be honest, I don’t want to spend my day reliving them.
Because even though most of these abusive comments first appeared online four years ago after I took part in my very first national TV commercial, they still cut deep.
The best way to describe them is like death by a million paper cuts. I can remember the first time I experienced online abuse as though it were yesterday. I know exactly where I was and can tell you the name of the person that sent me a screenshot of a disgusting meme that was created to mock me and my disability.
You’re a freak.
Real humans, walk on legs.
Midget.
Samantha Renke tells of abuse she faces as levels of online hate crime soar
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I also remember the many people who recited the ‘sticks and stones’ rhyme to me afterwards, suggesting that I just let it go, completely disregarding my feelings, my pain and my right as a disabled woman not be subjected to ableist hate.
I do feel like the abuse I receive has subsided in recent years, though. But this may just be because I have become more immune to it. It’s like the stares I often get in the street as a wheelchair user – I no longer notice them but that isn’t to say they don’t happen. I’ve also learned to be kind to myself, which involves having regular time away from social media, and that makes a difference too.
However, since the pandemic – and especially since the first lockdown – I have noticed this online abuse proliferate.
Over the last few weeks, I’ve been referred to as a ‘midget’ – an extremely ableist term often associated with ‘freak shows’, where disabled people were objectified for the pleasure of non-disabled people – and a ‘confusing wank’.
The latter was a new one for me – the only conclusion I could arrive at was that someone found me attractive but, because of my disability, felt confused or ashamed to have these feelings. So they chose to try and degrade my existence.
“I can remember the first time
I experienced online abuse as though
it were yesterday“
Still, I feel that the hate I have experienced pales in comparison to that which some of my disabled friends have been on the receiving end of. Chloe Tear, a disability blogger and freelance writer who is blind and has cerebral palsy told me, ‘I’ve experienced disability hate crime both online and when out in public. I’ve had eggs thrown at me because I was in a wheelchair.
‘Since the pandemic, I’ve been told that someone should shoot me in the head and that I’m worthless — all because I’m disabled.’
It’s no revelation that the internet draws out a darker side of people, many of whom wouldn’t dare say such things in the real world. That doesn’t stop these comments from leaving their recipients feeling scared and vulnerable though, not to mention impact their mental health in a significant way.
Just the other week, I had to take a social media break after seeing one post after another – Chloe’s included – from disabled activists and influencers who were on the receiving end of online abuse.
My heart sank as I questioned why we’ve not progressed in the four years since my own trolling began, and why this pandemic has seemingly added more fuel to the flame.
Perhaps it’s to do with the fact that the disability community has been unfairly depicted in many ways since the start of the health crisis.
We’ve been labelled as ‘vulnerable’, more susceptible to Covid-19 and more likely to die from it (official figures showing that almost two-thirds of people who have died from coronavirus were disabled), meaning the decision to go into a national lockdown to stop the NHS from being overwhelmed is perhaps our fault in some eyes.
Maybe, then, there are people who see us as the ones responsible for the economic crisis and as a burden on society.
Credit: above story from Metro 16/02/2021 by Sam Renke
Why?! Some people are so single minded 😢